Cheever sets out some bold intentions for her book on sex addiction. Claiming to combine an unsparing and intimate memoir with interviews, stories, hard science and psychology, to clarify the difference between falling in love and sex addiction, the Desire book does, indeed, draw on each of these inputs. However, the result is a muddle of opinion and experience which fails to provide any new insights into sex addiction.
Organization of the Book
The Desire book is divided into three parts. Part 1, titled "What is it?" attempts to define what addiction is and how it works. Part 2, titled "What causes it?" explores possible causes of addiction, such as nature versus nurture, and whether it is a permanent or temporary condition. Part 3, titled "What can we do about it?" focuses on treatment.
Within each part is a large number of chapters for such a short book, eight in part 1, and six each in parts 2 and 3. However, this effort at organization belies the disorganization within the text itself.
Presented as a stream of consciousness, Cheever moves from describing personal experiences in excruciating detail, to presenting selected morsels from other books on sex addiction, and the opinions of those she considers to be experts on the subject. All seem to be supporting her argument -- if only the reader could find it.
Red Herrings
One of the difficulties is Cheever's lack of direction in gathering and putting the material together.
For example, she devotes an entire early chapter to the life of Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous -- the original 12 step program, philanderer and womanizer. Yet this comes across as a thinly veiled attempt to promote her previously published biography of him. By the end of the chapter, she has presented no convincing material that Wilson was a sex addict, apparently through a lack of adequate information, leaving the reader wondering what relevance any of this really has on the subject of sex addiction.
Her main argument appears to be that because Wilson was addicted to alcohol, he must have crossed over to sex addiction when he became sober. Yet she has little evidence to support this claim other than the reports of those who told her of his many affairs and his sexual exploitation of young women entering Alcoholics Anonymous. A surprising number of lines are taken up describing her failed attempts to gather data.
Questions, Questions and More Questions -- But No Answers
In my opinion, the strongest aspect of the book is the raising of some interesting questions on the subject of sex addiction. Unfortunately, these questions are barely addressed, let alone answered. However, they may be a good starting point for someone who is interested in doing some real research on the topic.
To save the reader from wading through the entire text (although short, it takes a long time to read), here are some of the more interesting ideas of the book.
- Is addiction a matter of degree (that is, how addicted you get), or a matter of kind (that is, what you get addicted to)?
- Do sex and food addictions affect the brain chemistry in the same way that drug addictions do?
- Why are there so many different kinds of sex addiction 12 step groups?
- What is the difference between having normal sexual responses and having multiple partners and the inability to connect intimately with any of them?
- What is the difference between a sex addict and a married man who regularly cheats on his wife or someone who remarries two or three times -- both of which Cheever states are socially acceptable?
- Does having a certain number of sex partners make you a sex addict, and if so, how many?
- What provokes the physical responses of addiction, such as the sensory triggers to engage in addictive behavior?
- Does addiction thrive in having to overcome obstacles?
- Is sex addiction the male version of female bulimia?
Insights From Someone Who Has Been Through It
At a time when many question whether sex addiction is a real addiction, there is reassurance in Cheever's confidence that what she experienced as a sex addict closely paralleled her addiction to alcohol. Despite the criticisms raised in the preceding sections, the author is unflinching in her opinion that sex addiction is real, and that makes it an important text at a time when there is not enough credible literature on the topic. I also admire Cheever's courage in sharing her story in the hope it might help others struggling with sex addiction.
And although the personal anecdotes and rambling opinions are not to my taste, some readers might enjoy these aspects of the book. There is certainly a rather whimsical quality to the writing that makes it compulsive reading, unlike many of the drier books on the topic. And although Cheever doesn't outline a clear path for recovery, she is does end on a positive note, in that she seems satisfied with how her own life has turned out, despite her addictions to alcohol and sex.
